I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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