Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
