So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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