Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
