I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Small penises have feelings too.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
