dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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