I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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