I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
