im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
