I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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