Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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