i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
