do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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