You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
