The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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