Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
