He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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