What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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