OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
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