I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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