I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM