Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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