i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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