Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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