Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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