the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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