we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
love makes seman taste better
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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