your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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