I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
