I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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