i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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