You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
