it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
