Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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