I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize