Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
