i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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