May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
