it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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