i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
