my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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