Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
