butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
