So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
