i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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