No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize