This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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