i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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