You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
