OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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