Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
