I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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