bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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