i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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