true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think people are normalizing furries
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
