i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
