I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
