Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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