yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
