Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
