she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
