I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
